I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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