I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
