Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
