If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm always down for nudity.
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