my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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