In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
