considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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