WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
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Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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