no, he came in my armpit
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
