dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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