I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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