I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
