did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
