Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
