dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
