Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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