it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
