I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
