I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
