i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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