Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
