Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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