You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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