Sry I called you an 8
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
