i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
