There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
