What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
