I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
