About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
