last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Pants are for mortals
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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