You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
