I wish I could punch you in the face.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
