well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
