I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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