can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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