i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
