before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
