I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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