Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
