and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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