very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The uberlube is also flammable
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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