Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
How's work?
Spinning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
