What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
