Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
