Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I will pee on everything he values.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
