OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
