I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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