i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
