I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
