College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
