i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She told me I should be a condom model.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just had sex on a roof
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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