Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
even my farts smell like vagina
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
