I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
