onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
