OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
