I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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