glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
