Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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