I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
