Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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