she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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