An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize