I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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