Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
