dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
