I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
