just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's the barista slut.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
